5th November 2010
A longtime friend and I talk on the phone about many things, what we
like to think of as the cutting edge stuff � the 9/11 coverup, the
deliberate medical debasing of humanity, and the wonder that people
can�t see through all the transparent lies. But occasionally a subject
comes up, usually after some particular disappointment, that we only
refer to cryptically, obliquely, usually as a passive mention of
frustration and its inferred ultimate solution.
Almost in a whisper, we refer to it as �swimming out to sea.�
The truth, we have found out, doesn�t matter to most people. Only what
is advantageous to their continuing habits of contentment is what
lights up the board for just about everyone. And I guess I�m that way,
too. After all, I was just trying to make a living out of finding out
the truth, and to my frustration discovered there�s simply no money in
So here I sit, not blaming what I tried to do as much as how I tried
to do it � blurting stuff out isn�t the best way to convince people,
I�ve learned. They need to be shown how it pertains to their own
lives, and then that needs to be reinforced with lots of evidence.
Plus, my failure as a viable human economic entity has a lot more to
do with my own personal behavior and lack of discipline than the
subjects I�ve chosen to talk about in newspapers and on the Internet.
So I�m not blaming all those wonderful people I�ve met who are only
trying to make the world right. They have been the light of my life,
kindlers of hope, believers of all stripes who only want common sense
to reign and hypocrisy to disappear.
Thus I can only blame myself for not being more competent, for not
being clearer about these ugly things of the world that I have only a
superficial grip on. 9/11 was conducted with the approval of our
highest leaders, and American soldiers conducted numerous rapes of
entire families in Iraq. I don�t need to know much more than that to
fully realize that I am very ashamed of my country and my species.
But I do know so much more. Too much more.
I know that the beast is in charge, and will tell any lie to further
I know that ordinary people lead their lives as best they can and
troubleshoot the lies they can perceive whenever they can see them.
That they choose not to see so much might just be what makes them
happy, because I can tell you from personal experience, choosing to
see these things definitely does not make you happy.
And I�m no longer even sure that it improves your chances for
survival, since there are so many examples that knowing these things
actually reduces your chances for survival. I wish you could ask Matt
Simmons and Paul Wellstone.
But given the sorry turns of my life, I should not be giving advice.
I�ve tried that and nobody really listens. They all just want to tell
me their version of events.
So I just want to say to all of you over the years who have written me
such nice words and supported me with what for most of you was a
generosity you could not really afford, you have been the inspiration
for the stories I have written, and I couldn�t have done any of this
without the concern and information I received from you. And although
the economic gain of what I created amounted to very little, I
nevertheless remain quite satisfied with the stories I wrote, as they
mostly stand the test of time.
When you can�t see the future, it means there isn�t one. Very likely
this is my last post on these matters, and I wish I could leave you
with some inspirational passage that would spur you on to conquer the
tyrants and create justice and compassion in the world, but all I can
say at this point is that if I had a �kill switch� like the Internet
supposedly does, I would have flipped it off weeks ago.
As I sit here pondering how to spend my final $40 while yet weeks away
from my next Social Security check, I can�t really focus on anything
but the future that isn�t there, and wondering what it was happened to
all of us.
Things aren�t so clear now. All I can hear now is the rush of the
world around me, and the dawning realization that I am not a part of
it anymore, nor do I have a wish to be. When I go to sleep at night, I
pray that I won�t wake up.
But �swimming out to sea�? Hell no, the water�s much too cold in November.
But tell me, if you could, what�s the point of a world without hope?
Thanks to all those who tried to help me find an answer that I
couldn�t. It was an honor to work for you, and I�m sorry the results
didn�t turn out better.
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